Incompetent, lacking, slow, confused, weak.

New, misunderstood, grey area.

Anxious, nervous, determined, quiet.

Lost, learning, running, becoming better.

I do not know what I don’t know and that terrifies me. I do not know my place or my limitations. 

I do not feel comfortable asking “why” “how” or “when”.

I will learn, I know. I can’t rush this. I can’t memorize my way out of this. Only time can get me there.

But for now, I am drowning. Stuck in a riptide and unable to kick my way free.

Stuck in cliche’s and bad lunch decisions. Cynicism and false laughter. 

I am stuck playing the game again (still?).

And you’d think I’d be better at it by now. 


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