Incompetent, lacking, slow, confused, weak.
New, misunderstood, grey area.
Anxious, nervous, determined, quiet.
Lost, learning, running, becoming better.
I do not know what I don’t know and that terrifies me. I do not know my place or my limitations.
I do not feel comfortable asking “why” “how” or “when”.
I will learn, I know. I can’t rush this. I can’t memorize my way out of this. Only time can get me there.
But for now, I am drowning. Stuck in a riptide and unable to kick my way free.
Stuck in cliche’s and bad lunch decisions. Cynicism and false laughter.
I am stuck playing the game again (still?).
And you’d think I’d be better at it by now.